Separating yourself from your Struggles

 

 

J.B. and kids skiing in 60 degree weather...crazy!

Meet J.B. He is my one and ONLY brother.   I have six lovely sisters who I love and adore meet them here.

J.B. is awesome.  He is a genius (in my opinion), a professor of religion at Brigham Young University, and the best brother a girl could ask for.  He gave me some great advice that I have never forgotten and which has proved to be one of my saving graces.  After big T was a few months old and the anxiety had calmed down a bit, I found myself struggling with obsessive thoughts or intrusive thoughts (I don't want to go into details, but they weren't BAD thoughts, I just would see something that would bother me and then I  couldn't stop thinking about it).  This is a BIG postpartum struggle (did you know that, have you experienced it?)  I was frustrated.  Not being able to control my thoughts made me feel weak and powerless.  J.B. told me that I needed to separate myself from this struggle.  When I found a disruptive thought or anxiety trying to work its way in, I would stop, analyze what was happening and then tell my brain, "Brain, that thought is not you, that is your Postpartum struggle speaking, do not let that thought/anxiety sink in, it is not you." 

That may seem silly in theory, but in reality it helped TREMENDOUSLY.  As soon as I could recognize that my anxiety or obsessive thoughts were not me, but rather my sickness, I felt as if they no longer had power over me and it was easier to conquer them.  But even if I didn't conquer the anxiety or the thought in the moment, I still felt much calmer knowing that I was NOT this person who was anxiety ridden and sick, I was JUDI and I was a great person who was sacrificing a LOT to bring these little boys to the world and these struggles were because of that fact and I could and would get better. 

And guess what.  I had this baby (William cutie!) and I got better.

And guess what, I had this baby (Thomas) and got better.

And guess what, I had this baby (Nathan) and got better. 

And now Nathan just turned one and I am better and stronger and happier than ever before.

 

So keep on keeping on.  Your struggle (whether it is Depression, Anxiety, Rage, OCD, or a number of other things) is not you.  You are a good person.  You sacrificed a lot to have a baby (and are still sacrificing a lot).  Take the necessary steps to get better. Whether that is exercise, therapy, medicine, natural resources, or whatever you feel is the best steps, you are not your struggle, so get better! 

I am going to go kiss all of my boys heads and be grateful I AM better and can love them endlessly.  Maybe I will kiss the top of J.B.'s 39 year old head too...He deserves it for the great advice he gave me :)

-Over and Out