Tipsy Tuesday: A Guest Post Edition

Do you know Lisa from moneyhipmamas.com?  If you don't, you should.  She is amazing, smart, BeeeautiFUL, and an amazing friend and a PPA survivor.  I asked her to share her advice/tips/experience on deciding to have another baby after having some pretty wicked postpartum struggles with her first.  Thankyou for being so brave and speaking up and sharing  your experience LISA!  Luv ya! 

Having Another Baby After Postpartum Struggles

About me: My name is Lisa. I’ve been married for six years and have two wonderful boys, ages 2 years and (almost) 2 months. Judi (the author of this blog) and I were roommates in college. I admire all the courage and hard work that she has put into creating this blog because it’s a topic I also feel passionate about.

Left: Our (now outdated) family picture. Right: A couple hours after having our newest addition. These three guys are the greatest joys in my life.

About my experience: I had horrible postpartum anxiety (PPA) when I had my first baby. My anxiety became so severe mostly because I struggled with it for months without knowing what it was or where to go for help. It was a living nightmare for a while—the worst, hardest time of my life. Worrying about your baby is normal. Not being able to eat or sleep? Not normal. Luckily, with a lot of help and time to heal, I made a full recovery. Back when it was happening, I would have given anything to make it go away, but now I am grateful it happened. I learned so much and I am a stronger, happier person because of it.

The decision to have another baby after PPA: For people who are terrified of heights or falling, it’s easy enough to stay away from the edges of cliffs. It seemed so unfair that my biggest anxiety-inducer was also one of the things I wanted most out of life: having children. Even though I had a really strong recovery (especially considering how bad it was), the thought of having another baby was still terrifying for a long time. Occasionally I’d have a hard time falling asleep or I’d feel a rush of anxiety, causing a flashback to what it was like in the thick of PPA, reminding me how horrible it was and how I never wanted to go through that again.

What helped me make the decision:  Besides prayer and a supportive husband, the thing that helped me the most was knowing it’s what I really wanted. Back when I first realized I had postpartum anxiety, I turned to someone dear to me who had also struggled with anxiety. He recommended The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy It wasn’t a magical quick fix or anything.  It took months before the stuff I read began to sink in and really help me. But what I learned from it was that happiness wouldn’t come from “controlling” my anxiety, but from doing the things that matter most to me (like having kids). That doesn’t mean I could (or should) have had another baby right then and there in the thick of debilitating anxiety struggles. I needed to wait until I felt healthy again and ready to take on the next challenge. But it did mean I went into it knowing I might struggle with postpartum anxiety again, hoping it wouldn’t be nearly as bad, but accepting that having a baby was more important to me than never feeling anxious again.

How I’ve Been This Time Around: SO. MUCH. BETTER. Night and day difference. That’s not to say I never have any anxiety. I’ve just learned not to let the anxiety itself freak me out (the Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook helped a lot with that). Also, my experience with postpartum struggles taught me a lot about myself. I discovered that, for me, the following three things are not optional: (1) Sleep (2) Exercise and (3) Friends. Funny how those are the three things you often have to do without when you have a baby. But my husband has learned how much I need those and together we made it happen. For example, from the day I got home from the hospital, he made sure I had time to go for a good, long walk everyday. It was my time to listen to music, relax, and rejuvenate. It was amazing how much it improved my mood.

My Advice:

(1) Make sure your husband is on board – When I was suffering the most, my husband was suffering right along with me. Luckily for me, my husband was actually more confident than I was about things being better the second time around.

(2) Get to know yourself – Figure out the things that make you feel happy and healthy and then figure out how to make time for them, even amid the difficulty of caring for a newborn baby. For me it was sleep, exercise, and friends. Maybe you really like listening to music, writing, or doing art. Whatever it is, work hard to make sure it happens.

(3) Write up a postpartum plan:

a.       Include things you plan on doing the second time around to increase your chances of having a better recovery (things like exercising, who is coming to help take care of your kids so you can take care of yourself, etc.). Be as specific as possible.

b.      Have an Emergency plan and know when to put it in place (for me, I knew we’d have to start taking more serious measures if I ever stopped being able to eat or sleep).

c.       Review the plan with your husband, friends or family members who are a part of the plan, and any doctors or health care professionals involved.

Deciding to have another baby after surviving postpartum anxiety was one of the hardest, most gut-wrenching decisions I’ve ever had to make. But I’m so glad and grateful I did. I’ve been able to experience so many of the joys of having a newborn that I missed the first time around.  It hasn’t been all easy, but it has confirmed my belief that women can come out of postpartum struggles much stronger than they were before. :)