Guest Post: A Postpartum Story by Monica

Meet Monica! We went to high school together and she has always been a beauty and a fantastic person to be around.  She has two beautiful children and has had her share of some rough depression.  She is a champ and has gone down the road of natural medicine and traditional medicine and so I asked her to write a post about her experiences with both.  I am so grateful she shared her knowledge and has been willing to add her voice to our little club (we have a club, right?)  Her words have touched me and i love how she talks about separating ourselves from our struggles...a big thing on my "Must Do" list as well.  Without further ado...here's Monica!

I have to admit I feel a little silly being asked as a “guest writer” like I am some sort of expert on the issue.  Well, let me assure you I’m not!  But, I have had a fair share of fun on what I like to call the hormone rollercoaster so I am happy to share my experiences with you.  And hopefully if nothing else, you will know that you are NOT alone.  There is strength in numbers and knowing you don’t have to suffer on your own is empowering. 

I was 7 or 8 months pregnant with my second child when it finally hit me that I was depressed with a capital D and had been for the last 3 years.  The thing that many people may not understand about depression is that it is not always environmental.  Meaning, my situation and my life couldn’t have been going any better.  My marriage was great, I had just graduated college, and I was able to stay home with my children which is something I had always wanted to do.  My depression (and anxiety) was internal; it was not situational, (which is useful to know when trying to decide on an approach to getting better).  I didn’t really know what to do about it at that point but I made a promise to myself that after I had the baby I needed to do something.  At my 6 week postpartum appointment I went prepared to tell my doctor that I was depressed and needed help.  She prescribed me with meds and guess what!  They worked!!  I felt great!  All of those negative, self degrading, worthless thoughts were removed from me.  It was wonderful.  I took them for about a week but then noticed that my baby was acting different than usual.  He was very lethargic but fussy and not sleeping normally. I knew it was the medication getting to him from my milk.  My heart sank.  I had finally found my magic potion to help me get over this hump and I didn’t feel like I could use it at the risk of it affecting my baby.  I felt defeated. 

That’s when I was introduced to this wonderful thing called natural medicine.  I know!  Granola, non-shaving, peace on earth, voodoo, apothecary type medication.  Only crazies believe in that, right?  Not even close.  With the encouragement of my sister who already had wonderful experiences with a woman who is an energy kinesiologist, I made an appointment with her.  There is no medication involved.  Just you, your hormones, and her gift to heal.  

It was a wonderful experience.  Difficult to describe, kind of like trying to explain what salt tastes like:)  She balances the energy in your body.  Every session is different and she uses many different methods depending on what your body needs at that time.  Oils, pressure points, message, herbs, tones, etc.  She does talk to you but it is not a therapy session.  I honestly don't know how it works, but I know it does.  Ask my husband:)  He says, "All I know is when you came back, you were better."  If you go into it with an open mind it can be a very spiritual experience.  I learned a lot about myself and my body and that I am stronger than I think I am.  I left feeling like I could conquer anything!  

When I got home and back to my regular schedule I felt exactly the same as I always had.  *Sigh* So I went on with my life and about 2 weeks later I was reflecting a little on how I’d been doing the last few weeks and realized, I had been doing GREAT!   It was a slower process than I had expected but my body was reacting positively and I felt better.  Not super woman, just better.  I have been several times since and am so grateful to have been led to her.  My life has significantly improved since I have realized that I don’t have to just endure and suffer, but there are things I can do to help me get better.  

I think it is also important to mention that I have consulted with my doctor and have found a medication that is also helping me cope through this difficult stage in my life.  The miracle of medication is nothing to sneer at (even though I did for a LONG time until I finally said uncle).  I had a lot of fears about starting a medication, like “Will I have to be on it forever?”  “Am I going to be exactly the same as I am now when I get off of it.”  “Will I gain 900lbs?”  “Will I be able to feel at all or does it just numb all emotions?”  It has been a long road for me to start feeling ok about who I am since I’ve become a mother.  My road is not over yet but I do know that I won’t have to be on medication forever.  It is the right thing for me to do at this time.  Find out what works for you.  (I feel like one of those prescription drug commercials, “Find out if Blankitycamdenoft is right for you.”)  Anyway, life is good.  Smile a little.  It helps:)

Both of these things have helped me separate myself from my depression.  I am a happy person.  The over anxious, self decrementing person is not.  I can be happy and enjoy my children and not yell or have my own temper tantrums.  The depressed, high tension person cannot.  If you would like to get in contact with a foot zoner or kinesiologist (I’ve actually experienced both), PLEASE message me and I would be happy to refer you!!  (mobud14@yahoo.com)

Thanks for letting me share Judi! 

Smog, Crying, and Prenatal Depression

I have a child, "who will not be named" :) who knows exactly how to push my buttons.  I love this kid more than anything...but oh baby, can he get me worked up.

 In fact, I just got this book------->>>
 in hopes to improve his negative outlook on life. So far, it is describing our relationship and problems to a tee! So hopefully it can give me direction. Oh Motherhood, not for the faint at heart!

Anyways, he got me so worked up today that I lost it and sent him to his room and ran down to my room and flung myself on my bed (when you are having a crying fest, you must "fling" yourself on your bed.  It's the only way to do it!) and cried my eyes out.  It had been a long time since I had cried.  I actually don't remember the last time I cried.  Sometimes it is good to just cry it out.

I feel much better now (the cute little guy came down and wrapped me in a hug and apologized and we made goals to try to improve.)

Mike and I decided that letting your emotions build up until they come tumbling out as a breakdown/cry it out--is like an inversion or smog build up.  The inversion builds up every day (do you get inversions where you live?) until it is so bad that you can barely see past all the smog.  It is suffocating!  Finally a storm will roll through and it will clear out the smog and let you see the beautiful sun.  Sometimes crying a good cry, clears out the build up of emotions and lets you see clearly what is important, what isn't important, and simply feel better.

This is looking out my kitchen window about a month ago.  So Gross!

I have talked a lot on here about anxiety/ocd/intrusive thoughts, but I haven't talked a lot about depression.  It is probably because I don't know how to fully fix depression, but I am trying to learn more! :)  There are two times in my life when I struggle with true depression.  1. In the winter (especially if it is a bad inversion winter).  2. When I am pregnant.

I have figured out a lot of ways to help with #1.   - Light Therapy - Getting outside - Exercising - Vitamins

I have not figured out how to help #2.  And my Prenatal Depression is bad and real (have you heard of Prenatal Depression? Did you know that it is a real thing?).   For example, I was 2 days away from getting started with Nathan and my sister called and cheered, "You are almost there."  To which I replied.  "I will never make it, I can't do it! Help! UGHghghghghggghhh!" I wasn't being funny, that is really how I felt. 

Ouch! Big and Depressed :)

As I plan to have more children sometime in the future, I have GOT to figure out how to help my prenatal depression (which stems a lot from wicked morning sickness/headaches.)   I am doing some research into it.  Of course I am going to take the all-natural course, but seriously, I have got to get it figured out.  :)

You will help me right?  Tips? Are you pregnant?  Have you experienced this?  Any ideas?

(and no, I am not pregnant :)

And I have tried the "cry-it-out" while I am pregnant, it only helps for like 10 seconds, then I am depressed and miserable again....and apparently pretty pathetic!

Happy Thursday!

Yeah, we're cool like that...

Did you hear the talk in General Conference for the Lds Church by Elder Jeffery R. Holland on mental illnesses, especially depression? Yeah, we're so cool that he gave a talk just to us. Feel special? Ha. I did :)

Here are some of my favorite things he said that spoke straight to me...Elder Holland and I should be on a first name basis, that's how personal his talk was.

"However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor."

Seriously...Why does an illness in of the brain, one of our MOST IMPORTANT ORGANS, get laughed at and shamed into non-existence??!??!? Don't be ashamed anymore.

 "At one point in our married life when financial fears collided with staggering fatigue, I took a psychic blow that was as unanticipated as it was real. With the grace of God and the love of my family, I kept functioning and kept working, but even after all these years I continue to feel a deep sympathy for others more chronically or more deeply afflicted with such gloom than I was."

Ok, that's enough for me. If the GIANT OF A MAN in Elder Holland had a point in his life where HE suffered with Depression (and he didn't even give birth and have his hormones and life flipped upside down!!!) then, I think we will be ok. We just need to follow his advice, which is great advice.

 "Never, ever doubt, and never harden your heart." and Might I add--don't become angry. I did at one point and it wasn't fun or good.

"Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead."

Tru Dat!

"If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation."

Agreed...See item #1 on HERE

Like I keep telling people, there is strength in numbers and I am adding Elder Holland to that "numbers." And if Jeffrey Holland is in the group, then I am going to be proud to be in that group! If only someday I can be as strong as him, then the PPA was worth it, right?

-Over and Out