The other day in one of my beat up sessions in my head, I told Mike how worthless I was. He made me stand in front of the mirror and tell him what I saw. It was ugly and involved words like "Chubby, wrinkly, old, mean..."
He gave me a pep-talk worthy of Biggest Loser. It was awesome. He loves me :)
And the truth is, I do make mistakes. Sometimes I yell at my kids. Sometimes I brush off Mike's affections. Sometimes I say something mean I shouldn't have. These are all things I need to work on.
BUT, dwelling so much on these things to the point that I feel like a worthless piece a crap? That might be taking it too far.
I hear a lot of people say that you need to put yourself first in order to do everything else, but I just can't believe that. Let's face it. If I put myself first, I would not be sitting here in a house that needs scrubbing, with kids that are crying, with a gut that is squishy from carrying 9 lb babies. I would be at the spa, with a good book. Ha! When you choose to be a wife and mom, you choose to put other people before yourself. And that is the way it should be. I would be a terrible mom if I put myself first.
The thing I tend to do, is to not even put myself on the list! I'm pretty nice to everybody else, but NEVER myself. I need to put myself back on the list. I am going to retake my rightful spot at number 5 on my list. I am going to take care of my kids/husband/responsibilities AND take care of myself by being nicer to myself.
Self love baby.
Are you good at Self-Love? How do you practice self love without feeling like you are prideful?
I think it is going to take some practice. I forgot how to be nice to myself.
Here it goes...
-I'm a good mom (cringe)
-I'm a nice person (really?)
-I'm straight up awesome... (ugghhh!)
I'm going to just keep saying...till I believe it :) It might be awhile.
How's your self-love?
You got any tips for me? Do share!
I'm loving your blog, Judi! I'm such a mess right now and not brave enough to tell anyone besides my doctor (and Brian), so I really appreciate how brave you are. This post was very appropriate today-- I just woke up feeling so defeated and guilty. That would be a great post idea: how do you deal with the mom guilt that comes because of how your PPD and PPA affects you? Like, I feel like I would be such a better mom if I wasn't so depressed and anxious all of the time. So, often I feel like I'm failing as a mom because I'm not able to do as much as I would if I were not struggling with PPD and PPA. You know? Anyway, I definitely need to be kinder to myself and work on self love. Thanks again for this blog-- I've loved every post!
ReplyDeleteLucy! Thanks for commenting. Go back and look at YOUR blog and you will see how fantastic of a job you are doing for your girls. They are experiencing so much and are so cute doing it. Hang in there and keep living a day at a time :)
DeleteI'm so glad you wrote this because I've always known how amazing you are so it's mind-blowing to me to think you could ever think otherwise and yet I totally understand because I do it, too! I'm such a planner and a scheduler so the best way for me to get time for myself is to literally schedule some "me" time every week. Like right now, for example, I'm cruising blogs while I wait for my yoga class. :) Me time! It has to be something that's at the same time every week and in the official schedule, otherwise it doesn't happen. It definitely makes me a better mom because when I'm beat down and exhausted, nobody's happy.
ReplyDeleteFun! I wish I was going to yoga class with you! I have been playing on a volleyball team and loving it...but my knees are not! When did I get so old? ha ha
DeleteI'm so jealous! I wish I was playing on a competitive team. We play as a ward on Thursdays but the level of play is so low, let's just say I'm probably the best player. That's when you know it's bad. ;)
ReplyDelete