Ok, so let's talk medication. First off, like I have said before, I know medicine isn't for everybody, BUT it saved me. There are lots of different treatment options and really I think it depends on how bad you are suffering, what you are suffering with, and how long you have been suffering.
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| This was taken when I had been on the anti-depressant for a few days. I was doing better, but when I look in my eyes, I still see a panicked look! |
ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
I was pretty anti-antidepressants before my experience with PPA. If I had not been in a dire circumstance, I am not sure my sister and doctor would have been able to convince me to try them. I always thought I was "strong" and could handle it on my own. Shesh!
I feel so blessed to have had a doctor who was up on PPS and prescribed me an antidepressant that worked so well on anxiety. (At first I was on Lexapro 10 mg, I then switched to Prozac (it was cheaper), but didn't like it nearly as much as Lexapro.) At first it made me feel a little sick to my stomach and a little headachy, but those symptoms disappeared after a few weeks. I am also grateful that my doctor started me out on a fairly low dose. I tried upping my dose at one point, but it made me feel loopy and out of it and I did not like it.
So what does an antidepressant make you feel like? I don't know how to describe it. It made my overall anxiety calm down. It made me feel normal-ish. It brought up my lows and kind of put me on an even playing field. After I have been on the medicine for a few days, life seems happy, I feel blessed, and I sleep peacefully.
Does it have terrible side effects? I think this is different for everybody. If I take too high of a dose, it makes it hard for me to concentrate. At first, it made my stomach a little upset and my head hurt a little, but that goes away. The only noticeable lasting side effect for me is the (sorry if this is TMI!) lowered sexual desire. ha ha. But the truth is, if you are depressed/anxiety, you probably already have a lowered libido, ya know? ha ha (insert red embarrassed face here!) That side effect wasn't that big of a deal. Turns out my sanity was more important.
Do you get addicted to it? Absolutely not. It is not addicting. You do need to be careful while stopping it and not stop could turkey because you could send yourself into flashbacks, but it is not addicting.
How long do you need to stay on it? I was told to just plan to take it for at LEAST 6 months. For me, both times I have used it for about a year. After a year I can feel myself coming back and have been able to come off symptom free. But really, some people stay on it much longer than that.
Can I breastfeed on it? Yes. Talk with your doctor. They will know which ones are safe.
I will always be grateful for the blessing of anti-depressants. It allowed my brain to rest so that it could heal. And it did heal.
There are many different types of anti-depressants and one may be more effective than another for you.
Anti-Anxiety Medication:
I have never tried these. These act as a depressant. They lower your mood/heart rate to bring down panic attacks and high anxiety moments. These are usually "take as needed" and prescribed in short amounts of times. They can be addicting. They are more monitored while nursing. I have not found very many who like these. (If you do, please tell us your experience!) I have heard some describe it like a band aid that smooth the problem temporarily, but do not help long term.
Anti-psychosis Medication:
There is a whole realm of medications for those suffering more severe postpartum problems. I have no clue/experience on these. Talk with your doctor If you are suffering from any psychosis issues.
Final Statement: Medicine might not be for you, but how will you know that if you won't try? If you had diabetes, would you refuse insulin? Medicine can be a blessing for you and your family. Discuss it with your doctor. Pray about it. Whatever you do, do it with pride. There is no need to be embarrassed. If you hear someone say a negative comment about using medicine to treat depression, just look at them with sympathy...they obviously have no idea about anything :)
I haven't needed any medication this time around, but I certainly wasn't hesitant about using any if needed. In fact, I saw a doctor while I was still pregnant to discuss my options should the need arise, that way I'd already had that conversation. I did take anti-anxiety meds the first time around and found them helpful for bedtime since I'd developed severe sleep anxiety and had trouble calming down enough to fall asleep. Once I'd gotten enough rest, I was able to calm down enough I didn't need them to fall asleep. Love the comparison you gave about the thoughts forming grooves in your mind and the medicine giving your brain a chance to heal.
ReplyDeleteThat's so great you haven't needed anything this time! Way to go!
DeleteI tried the anti anxiety meds and they backfired on me! I was so drowsy and it almost made me panic more because I still had to take care of the kids and I couldn't focus or keep my eyes open! I agree with Lisa, they would be good if you are so anxious you can't relax or rest. Don't take them if you have to take care of three kids and go grocery shopping! Caffeine would've been the better route!
ReplyDeleteI've been meaning to ask you if you liked them. Glad to know. Sometimes when you mention the word "anxiety" they immediately put you on those, but when you are dealing with postpartum anxiety...it is usually not the best idea for daytime use. It can even make you more depressed because you are so sleepy and docile. Thanks for the input.
DeleteEvery time you post something I want to comment, but I'm always reading it on my phone while nursing H and hate making lengthy-ish comments on my phone. I have been so grateful for my medication, though I was super resistant to begin with. For the first several months I was mostly in denial that I even had any PPD or PPA. Finally, I admitted to myself and Brian that it was bad and that I needed help. The first meds I went on made me super tired and I was hardly able to function. (zoloft I think) Then I tried a naturopath and felt very hopeful that I wouldn't have to be on any meds at all, but it wasn't as helpful as I had hoped for. Now I am on another depression/anxiety medication that is working really well (except for the side headache and nausea side effects). I feel like a high-functioning normal person again most of the time. It is still frustrating when I have a hard day because I just want to over it already, but in general I have made a ton of progress and am very grateful! And that's why I don't comment on my phone :) I get a little wordy sometimes...
ReplyDeleteWordy is good :) Thanks for sharing. We all wish we didn't need medicine but it really is a miracle it was invented, right? I am always so grateful that is has worked so well for me and good to hear it is working well for you too!
DeleteHi Judi! You may not remember me, but I was in one of your wards at BYU, though I don't exactly remember which. I'm so grateful to you for writing this blog. I saw it from Lisa's references to it.
ReplyDeleteI had PPA after my first child but didn't recognize it for what it was and everyone kept telling me I was fine. Anxiety and mood disorders are such ugly step children, so to say. No one wanted to entertain the idea that it could be real, as if is shameful and embarrassing. Once I admitted that something felt wrong, I broke down in tears on Thanksgiving 2011 to my step mom and 2 sisters, admitting that I needed help, but after that, no one offered help. That was extra hard. That time was all a blur, but sometime in that first year, I made it through and returned mostly to my normal self.
I had my second baby a few months ago, almost exactly 2 years after my first. Since this pregnancy was unplanned, I counted on feeling PPA again. I congratulated myself when I felt pretty good! My baby is an excellent sleeper, so that helped.
She just turned 4 months this week and I am starting to notice those old feelings of PPA and realizing that it might be hitting me. The PPA emotion that always surprises me the most is the anger. I feel so ashamed of it too. If she wakes up earlier than usual, or has a hard time going to sleep, the anger hits me out of no where and the "intrusive thoughts" begin. I hate it so much. My husband and I are arguing a lot these days and I was thinking it was all him, but now I realize it is me as well. He doesn't quite know how to respond best to a PPA moment of mine, and the anger monster just boils up and snaps. I hate it.
Anyway, that's a lot of info for my first comment, but I found myself wondering tonight if maybe I should look into medication. Many people project their opinions that anxiety medication is fake, unnecessary, or a lame excuse for an invented condition. I feel like I want to contact my doctor in private about maybe getting meds, not even telling my husband, because he doesn't get it. I am too scared of adverse effects making it worse though. Does the doctor interview you about your symptoms to find our what might work best, or do they just prescribe the same thing to everyone?
Like Lisa's comment above, I have severe sleep anxiety and it seems to be getting worse. I also have sensory anxiety, if clothing is itchy or rubs me the wrong way, it makes me crazy. I just got my IUD and just knowing it is there makes my skin crawl and makes me want to freak out, I am working REALLY hard to try to control that. Hopefully I won't have to give in to that and get it removed. I'm forcing myself to wait 2 weeks before I decide.
My husband also is pushing to start making all kinds of huge financial decisions right now, like buying a newer, safer family car or looking to buy a home. I think it is too much for me right now, but I don't want this anxiety to get in the way of exciting things for our family.
I know that's ridiculously long, but I really appreciate that you have created a space for me to run to others who understand what I'm experiencing. I don't know where to go from here, but I need to admit this is happening and reach out to someone, even if that's a blogger acquaintance ;) thanks again for making this space.
Tammy~
Delete1. I totally remember you...Liberty Square ward, right? 2. Oh girl! I wish I could wrap my arms around you and tell you that A. I know you feel. B. It is hard, isn't it! and C. It is going to be ok!
I feel so sad knowing that you suffered through with your first baby and that now that time is just a blur! I am sorry that nobody was there to help you. One thing I have realized that it is REALLY hard for someone (sounds like your husband included) to understand mental illnesses when they have never had anything of the type before. I sympathize with them. It would be hard to understand and to not just think, "snap out of it" or "it's all in your head, you are fine." Thank you for reaching out to me and our other PPS sufferers!
The rage is real AND definitely a symptom of PPA and PPD. I am sorry this has been such a hard time for you and your husband. You guys can come out of this stronger and closer together! It is hard to know how to handle a PPA moment. One of the best things I have found (anyone else who has a tip, chime in here!) is to separate yourself from this. When you have that moment of anger...stop, say to yourself (out loud if you need to) "I am feeling rage because ... right now, THIS IS MY PPS SPEAKING, this is not me." I find this tactic especially helpful with your sensory anxiety, like your IUD. When it is making you want to freak out (and I totally get where these "freak out" intrusive weird thoughts are coming from. I have something similar to this that I won't go into details about, but there are certain things and ideas that freak me out so bad and make me itch and want to scream! and it is SOO much worse when I am postpartum) and say, this is not me, this is my PPS. This might work with your husband as well. He probably can't tell when you are having a PPS moment. Maybe let him know. Tell him you are having a battle in your mind right now and ask if he could wait a couple hours to discuss something important, like buying a car?
I think getting on some medicine would be a wise decision. I think adverse reaction to the medicine, where it makes your symptoms worse, is not that common. Most people do wonderfully on it. Each doctor is different. My doctor knew EXACTLY what to put me on, but not every doctor is good about this. It would be my recommendation to try an anti-depressant first. When you mention the word "anxiety" to a doctor, they are really tempted to start you on an anti-anxiety medicine. But if the anti-depressant can work for you, it will let your mind rest so that it can heal. I like to think of all the thoughts you are having as making a pathway in your brain. For instance, you are probably thinking over and over about the IUD and how bad it is freaking you out, it is making a "thought pathway" in your brain and it is hard to get out of that thought pathway. The anti-depressant stops the pathway so that it can heal. My doctor started me on 10mg of Lexapro. Lexapro is an anti-depressant that specifically works on anxiety. It was a life saver. I found that not only did it help my intrusive thoughts, my anger, my sleep anxiety, but it also really really calmed my "freak out" thoughts. It takes awhile to kick in. I started noticing a difference after 3 days, but for some people it is a couple weeks. As for the side-effects, they are usually mild. I wouldn't worry about them. You will know if they are making you worse, but give it a few weeks. The anti-anxiety medication can help for sleep anxiety, or panic attacks (are you having those?), but they do make you kind of sleepy and docile. If the anti-depressant is not enough, THEN I would try the anti-anxiety pills.
(my comment was so long it wouldn't let me type it all..haha!)
DeleteI don't know what to tell you about going to your doctor in private. If that is what you feel is best, then go for it. Let's get you better. You don't need to stand up at church and announce you are on medicine by any means, but I think knowledge is really great for husbands. Understanding that this is a POSTPARTUM problem that you will get better from, that if you had diabetes he would want you to take medicine, and so it should be with this. Check out Elder Hollands talk from OCT. general conference. It has great advice for spouses and loved ones.
Also, feel free to email me in private if you want at postpartumstruggles@gmail.com. I love email friends :)
Mostly stay calm. You can do this!