Smog, Crying, and Prenatal Depression

I have a child, "who will not be named" :) who knows exactly how to push my buttons.  I love this kid more than anything...but oh baby, can he get me worked up.

 In fact, I just got this book------->>>
 in hopes to improve his negative outlook on life. So far, it is describing our relationship and problems to a tee! So hopefully it can give me direction. Oh Motherhood, not for the faint at heart!

Anyways, he got me so worked up today that I lost it and sent him to his room and ran down to my room and flung myself on my bed (when you are having a crying fest, you must "fling" yourself on your bed.  It's the only way to do it!) and cried my eyes out.  It had been a long time since I had cried.  I actually don't remember the last time I cried.  Sometimes it is good to just cry it out.

I feel much better now (the cute little guy came down and wrapped me in a hug and apologized and we made goals to try to improve.)

Mike and I decided that letting your emotions build up until they come tumbling out as a breakdown/cry it out--is like an inversion or smog build up.  The inversion builds up every day (do you get inversions where you live?) until it is so bad that you can barely see past all the smog.  It is suffocating!  Finally a storm will roll through and it will clear out the smog and let you see the beautiful sun.  Sometimes crying a good cry, clears out the build up of emotions and lets you see clearly what is important, what isn't important, and simply feel better.

This is looking out my kitchen window about a month ago.  So Gross!

I have talked a lot on here about anxiety/ocd/intrusive thoughts, but I haven't talked a lot about depression.  It is probably because I don't know how to fully fix depression, but I am trying to learn more! :)  There are two times in my life when I struggle with true depression.  1. In the winter (especially if it is a bad inversion winter).  2. When I am pregnant.

I have figured out a lot of ways to help with #1.   - Light Therapy - Getting outside - Exercising - Vitamins

I have not figured out how to help #2.  And my Prenatal Depression is bad and real (have you heard of Prenatal Depression? Did you know that it is a real thing?).   For example, I was 2 days away from getting started with Nathan and my sister called and cheered, "You are almost there."  To which I replied.  "I will never make it, I can't do it! Help! UGHghghghghggghhh!" I wasn't being funny, that is really how I felt. 

Ouch! Big and Depressed :)

As I plan to have more children sometime in the future, I have GOT to figure out how to help my prenatal depression (which stems a lot from wicked morning sickness/headaches.)   I am doing some research into it.  Of course I am going to take the all-natural course, but seriously, I have got to get it figured out.  :)

You will help me right?  Tips? Are you pregnant?  Have you experienced this?  Any ideas?

(and no, I am not pregnant :)

And I have tried the "cry-it-out" while I am pregnant, it only helps for like 10 seconds, then I am depressed and miserable again....and apparently pretty pathetic!

Happy Thursday!