Shame and Guilt = Our Two Favorite Words

So I haven't written a post for awhile.  I am guilty of not following my own advice.  It's easy to dish out the advice, but not so easy to follow it.  I have had a couple of experiences lately where a few "under-informed" individuals have made comments like, "Mike, is your wife OK? I keep seeing these posts on Facebook that she is depressed or something."  And guess what....it caused SHAME SHAME SHAME...and Shame on me for feeling shame.  I tried not to let the comments get to me, but lo and behold, they did.  I don't like people to think I am struggling.  So I took a week and worked through some untrue thoughts and I am back :)

It's not like I blame the people.  I have been known to be under-informed about a situation and jump to conclusions as well.  It happens.  But, it brought me to the shame word.

These guys give me hope everyday!

I bet if you look inside yourself right now, you feel a little bit of "shame" or "guilt."   Deep down you probably feel like "I am not as good of a mom."  "I can't hold things together as good as others."  "I am a ___ (fill in any bad word you want to fill in)."

And maybe it is impossible to eliminate ALL shame and guilt.   I don't know, but I do know it should be minimized.

So what did I do this week?   I felt bad for myself for a minute or two.  Then I stepped up my exercise.  I ate a few cookies, enjoyed them, and then jumped back on the eating healthy bandwagon.  I literally wrote down my strengths.  It was painful and not easy.  I read through them a lot of times.  And I thought, "This is the STUPIDest thing to feel shame over."  And then I got over it. :)

So why do we feel so much shame and guilt.  I think there are a few reasons.

1. Nobody is perfect, but when you are struggling with a mental problem...which PPS is...you tend to feel defeated really fast and you feel guilty that you can't control your own mind.

2.  We feel guilty when our struggles interfere with our families life.  When we are having a bad day, we can't help but notice that our family has a "bad" day with us and that makes us feel guilty.  If only we could "snap out of it", they wouldn't have to suffer with us.

3. Finally, our great nemesis...Satan.  I KNOW when I am down, or struggling (especially with intrusive thoughts and negative thoughts) he is right there telling me over and over that i can't do it.

...So...what do we do?

1. Do your best to control your mind and thoughts, but realize that this is a DISEASE, and it is not just a "mind over matter" thing.  Feeling guilty and shameful will not help.  The best thing to help is to get on a path to recovery with your doctor and with some of the tips we have given on this website.  Then realize, like I did this week, "THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING TO FEEL SHAME OVER!"

2. Your family loves you.  Do your best, and they will be there to support you.  This will make them stronger too.  It is good to mourn with those that mourn.  It makes you and them more sympathetic.  Do the best you can, but don't beat yourself up over the baby books you didn't read to your 3 mo. old today, or the fact that your 3 year old watched 3 hours of Disney junior.  It will be OK.  You will get better and you will do all those things you dreamed about doing.

3.  I like to acknowledge that my feelings of despair (not your actual Depression/Anxiety/OCD) but the feelings of "you can't do this" are from the adversary.  I then sometimes say out loud, "I can do this and I will do this so leave me alone."  It really disappaites the feeling of despair and give me a feeling of Hope.  That is a feeling the Savior gives. HOPE!

So, while the feelings of shame and guilt obviously come with PPS, don't let them rule you.

Because really, that is a stupid thing to feel shame over.  You are doing something amazing.  You gave birth to a BABY and HUMAN and now you are recovering and doing the best you can.

Keep Hope.  Don't Despair.

-OVER AND OUT!