Meet Leilani Joyce! Watch her story here (or the video above :). She is a a double
Commonwealth Gold Medalist in Squash and she is a Postpartum Depression Survivor.
(Interview taken from http://www.nzwomansweekly.co.nz/celebrity/leilani-joyce-battling-my-depression-demons/)
I think that she describes this time of depression to a tee. Read her story and feel her hope!
“It was supposed to be a happy time for me – a time to be grateful for the blessing of having three healthy children,” she says quietly. “But instead, I felt swamped, trying to adapt to the needs of each child. I would cry a lot – often in the shower. It was the only time in my day when I was alone. I would think about where I was at with my life, and feel I had failed as a mother and wife. I would scream, completely overwhelmed by simple routine tasks. oy life was dealt with in the blocks between meal times – I would survive from breakfast to lunch, get through lunch to dinner, and then dinner to bed. I hated it when Blair went to work. I would watch the clockwaiting for him to get home. And I was paranoid. Friends wanted to cook us meals or come and see how I was doing but I didn’t want to answer the door. The sound of the phone ringing would send me into a state of high anxiety. I was convinced people were talking about me behind my back, saying, ‘oh, poor Leilani. She’s a casualty of life. She used to be a great sportswoman, but look at her now.’”
She was surprised by her Depression and tried to deny it for years! It is hard to keep denying you have a problem, and much easier to get it fixed!
Leilani often found herself collecting up the children, then going to her sister Wanita’s house and crawling into bed for the day, waking only in time to return home before Blair arrived back from work. Everyone, she says, including herself, was bewildered by her behavior and felt there was nowhere to turn. “We were all so confused. Nobody knew what was going on or how to look after me.”“I had a very naive view, very immature” she confesses. “And I never considered that someone like myself – a former world number one – could ever get depressed. As a sportsperson, you’re taught to be positive, to lift yourself up. When the going gets tough, you get tougher! As far as I was concerned, depression wasn’t an illness, it was a state of mind.”
Ultimately she turned to counseling and natural herbs and she admits that getting help is so instrumental in your recovery process.
There was also counseling. “It seemed so expensive!” Leilani recalls. “I felt so guilty about spending our savings. But we couldn’t afford not to – I was at rock bottom. And while your family can make you a oilo or clean your house for you, when it comes to the tools that you need to overcome depression, you have to talk
to professionals. I learned how to be a better friend to myself,” she explains. “I patted myself on the back for the things that I was able to achieve instead of scolding myself for the things I didn’t. I would say, ‘I’m such a superwoman today because I was able to make the kids’ lunches.’
“Initially, I felt stupid talking to myself, but I found that the more I did it, the better I felt. I started getting out of the house more. I took the children to playgroups and swimming and ballet lessons. I’d watch them do well, which would make me feel good, and then I’d feel like I was a good mum after all.
“I also got back into playing squash, which was really empowering. I felt a real boost to my self-esteem – I started to lose weight, and had lots more energy.” Leilani pauses, and beams, “I felt happy!”
In the video she talks about accepting her new role and finding times where she felt like "superwoman" and basking in them. I love that she admits that the depression is not 100% gone, but that she has learned to live with it and be happy despite of it. She is real inspiration and besides, it just sounds so exotic and fun to be a former world champion squash player (what the heck is squash...right?) Thanks Leilani Joyce for speaking up (and isn't she gorgeous!)
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